Finding my passion: I took a chance on me

Mom and son in hat hug in grass
Finding my passion: I took a chance on me | Honeycomb Moms | My son, Donovan, and I had a family photoshoot at my mom's house in Chicago. It was a much-needed vacation. | Family photo

I could work and put my son in daycare, or I could quit my job and stay home with him.

Those were my options, and picking between them wasn’t a decision I was even remotely prepared to make.

No one warned me it was coming.

My mom told me my whole life that if I worked hard, I could have whatever I wanted. Countless television shows reinforced the message that women could have it all – successful careers and thriving families. So I believed the hype. Just focus on finding my passion, I thought. 

When I did, I expected to get the dream I earned.

But there I was with a college degree and some six years of reporting experience, and I couldn’t even support my family and still be there for my son.

I felt like a failure.

What do people do when they feel inadequate? They blame others, naturally. I blamed my husband.

He and I both had careers, but I felt like alone in the decision between working and staying home with our baby. I called him sexist, yelled and cried, but the reality of the situation was that it wasn’t his fault. He was being logical.

Deciding to quit my job

My entry-level journalism job provided no benefits, and his full-time gig did. My job was a contract role that I was in the last year of. I even made less money than my husband did. It was so much less that just the cost of daycare would have eroded my salary to a mere $13 an hour.

I could make that working any random work-from-home position and not have to put my son in daycare.

So although I didn’t want to quit my job; I refused to quit my job; and I stated repeatedly that I shouldn’t have to quit my job, I ultimately quit my job.

I was devastated and soon, desperate to find a gig that allowed me to work from home. Having no income wasn’t something I was truly prepared for.

Finding my passion, Finding my passion: I took a chance on me
Finding my passion: I took a chance on me | Honeycomb Moms | My son, Donovan, and I had a family photoshoot at a park near my mom’s house in Chicago. It was a much-needed vacation. | Family photo

Lacking faith in myself

I still had more faith in any random news company than I did in myself.

My husband knew better. See, I was the young girl in love with the jerk, but he was the best friend who could clearly see the truth.

He told me time and time again that I didn’t need newspaper. I didn’t even seem to love journalism anymore.

Journalism’s claim to fame isn’t the money. It’s the ability to help people by shedding light on issues that matter. I was pumping out an endless stream of stories about people getting shot and going to jail. I wasn’t really making a difference.

Finding my passion

My husband was right. I fell out of love with journalism, and I needed to determine what I was in love with. So I took it back to three simple truths. I would never be happy working for someone else. I loved to write, and I knew I wanted to help others.

The only problem — and also my biggest motivator, as it turns out  — was my fear. I was afraid of the unknown, afraid of the learning curve and afraid of never being able to provide for my family. But what I was most afraid of was never being happy. I could hide the other fears, but my son would see his mother settling.

I couldn’t have that. So I stopped looking for my old job’s Siamese twin. I stopped letting desperation drive me, and I started pursing what would make me happy. 

Now, I don’t have it all figured out. I’m still in the struggle phase of my dream, but I’m giving it my all. My happiness depends on it.

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8 thoughts on “Finding my passion: I took a chance on me”

  1. Finding my passion, Finding my passion: I took a chance on me

    Such a powerful and inspiring post, sis. Taking that first step is always the hardest. I am so happy that you are working in what may be your passion, and I’m sure this site will make a difference.

  2. Finding my passion, Finding my passion: I took a chance on me

    I’m in the same boat (though my son is 6). I’ve stepped away from a career to stay home with him and at times I’m terrified and resentful, while other times I’m excited to see what comes next. Best of luck to you!

  3. Finding my passion, Finding my passion: I took a chance on me

    I love this! I’m recently redicovering my passion too and I base my blog around this, which is continuously evolving with my journey. Have a look! I’d love to hear your thoughts!

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